life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
