Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
