I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
