And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
