I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
