Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
