did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
