was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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