i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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