When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
