I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
