thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize