this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
