If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
