She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
