Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
