Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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