Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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