so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
