Don't make out with my wife yet
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
