today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
