My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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