Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
