I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
