good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
