i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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