Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
