In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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