I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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