I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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