how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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