I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
