i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My bed smells like the plague
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
