Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
