i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
