i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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