Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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