You can't motorboat a personality
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Actions speak louder than pants.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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