Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sober January is a disaster.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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