i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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