I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
