I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
