He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
