You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
