PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
