I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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