perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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