yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
