When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
