i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
