Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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