who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
