Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
