You can't motorboat a personality
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
