so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nutella sex= disaster
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize