My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
