Plan B is the new Plan A
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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