the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize