I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
