from now on my penis is your penis
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
