I love black thongs
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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