How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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