Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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