see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
