I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
