No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
