good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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