yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
