yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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