I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
