now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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