she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
