I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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