are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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