If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
