I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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