I wish you could order shots online.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
