we have officially lost it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
