Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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