My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
