Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize