I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize