I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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