he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
