It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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