If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
