sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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