I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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