you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
