you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize