i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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