I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize