sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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