neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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