holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize